This Cup I Shall Bear

I beg you, do not silence your cries of anguish. Do not force yourself to smile and hide what is truly within you. Don’t shove away your negative emotion and opt for fake unwavering optimism. We were made by God with a range of beautiful, warm, pleasant, uncomfortable, and painful emotions. God made us with intention and purpose. One of the most impactful, and incredibly necessary, aspects of the gospel is that Jesus became flesh and dwelt among us. Our savior dawned the human condition, bore the weight of our dreadful humanity, saw the extent of our sin, walked the paths we have trodden, and sacrificed Himself that we might be redeemed. 

Jesus became one of us, our God lowered Himself to our station, and lived a life. Jesus faced temptation, Jesus felt love, he felt grass tickle his feet as he walked, and felt the warmth of the sun upon His face. He felt the sting of tears in His eyes, the wetness of tears streaming down his cheeks, and the hurt of betrayal that He knew was coming. 

In the gospel of John chapter 11 we learn that a man named Lazarus, a friend of Jesus, has grown sick, and then died. When Jesus heard this news He traveled to Judea. John 11:32-36 tells us what happens when Jesus arrives and greets the sisters of Lazarus. 

“32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. 35 Jesus wept. 36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?’” John 11:32-36

John 11:35 holds a lot of meaning in my heart, because my brother who passed found it humorous to be able to recite it from memory. For a long time that was the entirety of the significance it held to me. But when you read the context of the verse, when you dig into what is happening and what it means, it is a beautiful and precious insight into our savior and His experience here as a man. Verses 38-44 tell us what Jesus does next. 

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said. “But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.” 40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” 41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.” 43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” John 11:38-44

Jesus raises Lazarus from the grave. He calls His friend, from the tomb in which he has rested for four days. It is important that as we look at the beauty of the human emotion Jesus encountered during His life and ministry here on earth, that we remember that He is the son of God. He is a member of the triune Godhead, and while he became flesh, He was both fully man and fully God. At this point in His life and ministry Jesus had already performed many miracles. He had turned water into wine, healed the sick, cured paralysis, cast out demons, made the blind see, fed the 5000, walked on water, and more!  Jesus had shown His miraculous power many times at this point, He knew that He had the power to raise Lazarus from the dead. And Yet, John 11:35. 

Jesus Wept.

Our savior felt the gut wrenching pain of grief in His belly. Jesus probably thought of His friend, cold and lifeless in that tomb for four days. He probably thought of the pain Lazarus went through. He probably remembered Lazarus' smile, laughter, or what they talked about when they last spoke. Jesus, knowing He had the power to bring Lazarus back, grieved for His friend. 

Shortly before Jesus was arrested and later crucified, He and His disciples were in Gethsemane. In Matthew 26:38 it says this:

“38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matthew 26:38

Jesus, the son of God, the good shepherd, king of kings, man, was overwhelmed with sorrow. Jesus felt love, joy, peace, happiness, and many other beautiful human emotions during His life. But He also felt anguish, sorrow, grief, and pain. The whole section reads as follows: 

“36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” 39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” 40 Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” 43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. 44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” Matthew 26:36-46

Jesus knowingly walked into His fate. Jesus bore our sin on that cross, and He also bore pain, agony, sorrow, and many overwhelming emotions. Jesus, despite all of the pain and sorrow, picked up that cross and paid the penalty for our sins. In His final moments, having been beaten, a crown of thorns thrust upon His head, heavy iron spikes plunged through his hands and feet, his body held up by those spikes, the sin of the world, all who had been and all who would come, weighing heavily on His shoulders, He cried out to His father. 

“46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46

Our savior lived on this earth as a man without falling to sin even once. And yet, He cried out in agony. He cried out in anguish. He loved, He lost, He felt betrayal, He grieved, , He felt sorrow. Jesus felt difficult, painful, overwhelming, and negative emotions. He loved His father, He obeyed His commands, He prayed that God’s will be done, but He still felt the hard things. 

We are not perfect creatures, in fact we are exactly the opposite. We are fallen, sinful people. The notion that we have to be happy at all times is not from God. If someone tells you that you are not a good enough Christian because you are sad, grieving, lamenting, depressed or just struggling in general, they are wrong. Prayer is vital. When you are happy or sad, overjoyed or deeply dismayed, we should continually be in communication with God. But prayer does not guarantee that your sorrow or your pain will be lifted from you. Sometimes God leaves us in the fire, the pain, the torment. You are not in pain because you are not praying hard enough. Jesus Christ, our messiah, prayed in his hardest and worst moment, scared and stressed to the point of sweating blood, and God did not remove His cup from Him. God had a wonderful and amazing purpose for the pain that Christ endored. And God too, will use the pain you're in. 

So I encourage you, don’t suppress your tears, or your pain. Don’t hide your struggles from your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t try to hide your turmoil from your heavenly father. Cry out to God, even when you don’t have the words.

“26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Romans 8:26-27 

Let your sorrow, your pain, your lament, your grief, your anguish, pour out of you before the Lord. Release what is within you and give it to God. Everytime it hurts, do it again. You are not alone, you are not less than because of what you feel, your savior has felt this pain. Your savior was in this position before you, crying out to His father, giving His grief and sorrow to God. Not every emotion can be a happy one, and if we tried to wait to go to God until we were perfectly put together, we would never be able to go. It is because of Christ, the pain He went through and the sin that He bore, that we can go to the Father at all. Do not be ashamed of your pain, God hears you, regardless of the levels of optimism you're able to muster.